I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
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