Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
