what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
