dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Randomize
