if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
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