Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
