it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Randomize
