She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
