how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
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