That arnold schwarzeneger picture looks strikingly similar to paul
Not half as good looking as paul
I'd say paul has bigger bicep peaks, but who am I to judge
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Randomize
