Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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