He uses pillows to masturbate.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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