So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
