apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
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