I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
