The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
