Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
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