So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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