Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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