Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
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