I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize