Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(706): View more from Georgia

im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick

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(512): View more from Texas

do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?

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(623): View more from Arizona

Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.

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(843): View more from South Carolina

You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.

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(409): View more from Texas

You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.

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(239): View more from Florida

His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...

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(607): View more from New York

So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?

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(973): View more from New Jersey

I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.

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(308): View more from Nebraska

Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.

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