its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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