The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Randomize
