I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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