I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
