Sorry, I don't speak sober.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
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