i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
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