it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
