dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize