Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Randomize
