the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
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