Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Randomize
