she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
