Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
