Only a mothe r could love this liver
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
