Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
