Just fell off a train. Bad.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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