Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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