So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
