I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
