I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Come back. Shots need mouths.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Randomize
