i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
