your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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