at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
