Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
