In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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