fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
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