You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
