He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
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