no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
