Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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