Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
