I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize
