there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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