I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
