wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
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