This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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