Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Randomize
