is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
