Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
Randomize
