My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
