end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
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