Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
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