I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
I have post one night stand depression
Randomize
