Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
