Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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