clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
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