there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Will exercising make me less horny?
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
