So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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